In search of victory she keeps saluting me
if only we can be together momentarily
We can make love and make history
why wont you visit me
until she visits me
I’ll be stuck with a sister her name is defeat
She gives me agony so much agony she brings me so much pain
So much misery like missing your last shot and falling to your knees
As the crowd screams brother of the team I practiced so hard for this moment
Victory don’t leave
I know what this means im stuck in this routine
Whole new different day same old thing
All I got is dreams no body else can see
Nobody else believes nobody else but me
Where are you victory
I need you desperately
Not just for the moment to make history

Hello,

What's with people telling me to cheer up/smile or saying hello in the streets? I thought we lived in a new miserable time where everyone walks around like a zombie and we just walk on by. Maybe I have one of them faces or maybe people think I'm sad. Actually thinking about I'm always thinking, even when walking around so maybe its my thinking face, who knows (or cares).

I hate this time of the year. I dont mind the cold and rain, I actually love rain, there is nothing better then walking in rain or even playing sports in rain BUT I hate Christmas and New Year. It used to get to the point when I was at school, many years ago, even the school helper person would call me Scrooge. I have bad memorys or Christmas though and wont ever shake them.

I'm content at the moment, normally I'd say I'm okay or content just to stop people from asking but yes, I'm okay, really I am. This past month has been annoying but I've gotten through it and realsied my mistakes and the error of my ways (you dont want to know) but what is done is done as it were and there is no need to go back to it.

As content as I am, I'm always searching for an escape, people have a set opinion about me, Ive got tired of being that person. Ive tried creative writing, something I frusrate myself with, I seek written perfection, I seek perfection in everything really and always look for the things that are wrong with a situation or with a feeling or with people or just about anything. It annoys me that I'm like that.

Personally I dont think Ill ever be happy and always look at the problems and inperfections. All I know is that its time to take control, real control and do what I want even if that doesnt please everyone, something Ive always tried to do, which is impossible I know.

Hmmm.

Tel,

As a teenage boy before acne
Before I got proactive I couldn’t face she
I Just threw on my hoodie and headed to the streets
That’s where I met success
We lived together shortly
Now success was like lust shes good to the touch
Shes good for the moment but shes never enough
everybodys had her shes nothing like v
but success is all I got unfortunately
but im burning down the block
I been in and out of v
But something tells me that theres much more to see
Before I get killed cuz I cant get robbed
So before me success and death monage
I gotta lost I gotta find v
We gotta be together to make history