I welcome you to the show that is my life, well bits of my life as honestly I don't "do" talking about me.

It's a bit risky writing something as revealing as the following story's but hey I'm not to bothered about what people on the interweb think of me. If you want skip to the 2nd story's there kinda more embarrassing for me.

Thanks for reading like always.

Story One: Don't send poems to hot chicks.

At age 14 Terry knew that he was a bit of a geek, a loveable geek who got on with everyone but still a geek of the highest order. Sure Terry saw himself in this way & even kind of accepted it, all of that changed though when he 1st saw Vicky. Vicky was hot as can be & Terry lusted over a girl like Vicky & would even stare at this girl without knowing but there was one small problem, Vicky had a boyfriend.

So we get to January when we come back from Christmas & New Year holidays & Terry is still way in love with Vicky so much so he has started writing poems for her but never giving them to her, instead binning them. Then one day I don't know where Terry got this crazy idea from but he thought he would write this girl a poem & actually give it to her. There in lay the problem, Terry was (& is still) quite a shy guy so instead of giving it to one of her friends he does the most sensible & well thought out plan ever thought of, he leaves it on her school bag during lunch break unsigned.

So at the end of lunch break Vicky & all the other popular girls got together & they were all like, "who sent me this" & were all wondering & shit while Terry went into Food Tech with Miss Jones who had a moustache (but that's another story). Over the following days Terry panicked about what he had done & if Vicky's boyfriend would find out, he was a kind of crazy older boy but Terry wasn't that scared because he was in "lurve" at the time & anyway this hot girl was gonna like me right? So I told my best friend at the time Lee, he was kind of shocked at what I had done & then the unthinkable happened, Lee became a snitch & told people & word got back to Vicky's boyfriend.

So Terry was playing football at lunch break & Vicky's boyfriend comes over, he was on the other team & just as Terry kicked the ball away he pushes him over & Terry stupidly twists his ankle because he fell sideways so tried to land on his front instead of his side, So he walks away & Terry is fucking sitting there on the floor & can't get up cos his foot is killing him so this "butch" girl Emma, has to frigging carry him to the nurses room, yeah carry him.

The story ends on a sad note with Vicky's invisible friend dying (yeah she got run over by a bus) Terry wondering why he even did write a poem & leave it for her. Actually the real ending was one day Terry was in the playground by himself sitting on the bench when Vicky came over & asked him why did you send me the poem? Terry REALLY didn't know so just told the girl to forget it & walked away from her.

The End.

Story 2: Awkward Situations.

If a girl asks you to open a window for them don't ever say "anything for you Caroline". Normally a dead silence begins & you wish you jumped out of the window instead through the glass.

When your at the dinner table & one of your dogs is eating one of the puppies food when they shouldn't be never blurt out a girls name instead that your day dreaming about, always say the dogs name never say "Stop eating that Caroline"

When liking a girl & your flirting with her & even her friends are making jokes about you two & she's sitting on your knee because you have the only chair in the hallway while waiting for the teacher to get back to open the door, when she says she doesn't date "white guys" to her friends & you over hear it don't be sad.

When your best friend in school calls you a "spastic" (I know it's just a word but it really hurt me at the time & was totally unexpected but I forgive you) in front of everyone & you actually are so shocked you start crying about it but you don't grass on them but this girl you liked thinks you did, don't chase after her through the school proclaiming your innocence.

Don't tell your other best friend you think Heather loves attention & acts out just to get it, because he will tell the whole class while your both there & make you feel quite bad.

Do not make a joke about a half arabic girl being a terrorist, she might get mad at you.

Don't think long distance relationships don't work because hey they can, there more of a effort sure but hey if you love someone go for it.

Do not tell your girlfriend at the time that her best friend was trying to flirt with you & even sent you some erm "pictures", she'll get quite mad at you if you do, also delete the pictures & don't offer to show your girlfriend them....

Do not try to set your friend up with a girl you actually like. Sure she may turn out to really like you but when you speak to her you kind of refuse to even go for it.

Lastly if your quite shy & that & your girl wants you to have phone sex with her, just don't it becomes all sorts of awkward after she says some shit to you & you have NOTHING to say to her. Stick to normal sex or the trusty text sex shit lol.
-----

That's all I have about girls. If you ever read this & spot yourself in one of the story's (even though I've changed some names & details) then I do apologise but hey you got the last laugh honest.

I'll post a new improved blog in a couple of weeks about other (more serious maybe) situations if this one turns out a good reaction.